Ok, last post I got a little bit worked up, which doesn't help my condition so today I'm going to try and keep calm afterall I'm British and as the saying goes - "We carry on". Not sure who came up with that one but I remember an episode (a very good episode infact) of Doctor Who that that saying was used over an over again. I suppose it does make sense, we have in history always got on with and won over every crisis we've faced. (Lets just hope that the current crisis of which is named The Government, can be won over - not too sure at this point considering the state of my bank account but positive thoughts all round.)
Ok, lets get back to the topic at hand - I do tend to go off on a tangent but stay with me, I get back too it eventually. Here I go again.....
The weather. It is said that the weather can affect how we feel on a daily basis and I have to say I agree. When the weather is at its worst (typical British weather), I feel bad, I don't want to make an effort and the cold seems to affect my illness as the pains are worse. When the weather is good, I seem to be able to make the effort, I feel better and I do more, that is until I've pushed myself to the limit, not rested inbetween activities and I'm right back to where I started from - either bedbound or sofa bound, walking stick by my side, painkillers on hand and a blanket of pure exhaustion laying over me. Why do I do it? Why do I push myself too hard when the sun is shining? I guess its because I don't want to face the summer having to watch my children play while I'm laid up suffering. But that's what ME/CFS sufferers face every day. Each day, they don't know how they are going to feel when they wake up and once they are awake, they either feel ok, not brilliant but ok or they feel horrendous.
A good day is when you can walk and do simple tasks but still don't feel human. I want to be human. I want to spend time with my kids without them having to sit there watching me suffer. I don't want to miss out on their lives but I am. Having to plan ahead your activites such as a family day out - rest the day before - rest the day after and possibly the day after that depending on the activity you enjoyed with your family, but don't forget, you will be punished for enjoying your day, you will be in pain, you won't be able to walk and you will be so tired that all you want to do is sleep until you feel like you again. I can't remember what feeling like me is like, its been that long. I guess haveing ME/CFS is me now and as I'm British, I'll carry on.