Saturday, 23 April 2011

When Brain and Body don't get along

Sorry I haven't blogged for a few days, had it rough. My brain and my body had a severe falling out and now I'm stuck in the middle of what feels like World War Three!

It started on a Thursday, woke up feeling fine. Was chuffed that the sun was out, it wasn't too hot and there was a nice breeze. Decided me and the family should stock up our food cupboards so off we go. Shopping went fine, we usually go round slowly anyway so I don't tire quickly, got everything we needed and came home. That's when disaster struck! My brain wanted to carry on, have a nice BBQ with the family and enjoy the rest of the day. My body had other ideas. At this point they were just quibbling, getting at each other, nothing major and I could handle it. I came to a compromise. I would enjoy the family BBQ but not do anything strenuous. For the time being things were amicable and peace reigned.

Friday - the war began. My brain, still ever the enthusiast wanted to do all sorts but my body was having none of it. In fact, it fought back with such a ferocity that I had no choice to pitch myself on the sofa for the day. I couldn't even drink a glass of juice without the shakes and trembles and after the sip was make, I was knackered! My body kept throwing pain after pain after pain at me, in my legs, my feet, my shoulders, my fingers, my wrists, anywhere where bone met bone and muscle met muscle. So my brain decided to retaliate by throwing mixed messages at my body. The twitches began, the restlessness and the ultimate fatigue. It was like they were proving who had the worst they could throw at me. Also, my brain decided that intelligence wasn't on the menu either so Brain Fog set in. Once minute you are are com pus mentas and the next you can't even remember what happened three seconds ago, forget what you are talking about mid-sentence and start getting all your words mixed up. It was Hell, not going to lie, it was worse than Hell. Having to keep standing up to keep the circulation going and then sitting down zapped any amount of energy I had out of me. I was done. I gave in and a truce was established.

War or no war, yesterday was a nightmare, a nightmare that I know will repeat itself again and again and again. At least brain and body are letting me do the odd thing today like the blog but as always, enjoying too much of a good thing and I will be punished. Fingers hurt, typing slowing down, need to rest.


  1. Rebecca I am only just starting to realise the brain/body divide just now! I'm still new to the diagnosis and have been going on the assumption that if i FEEL in my MIND like i can do something then I must be well enough to do it... and BOY does my body give me a rollocking for it! Thankfully the pain I experience is more of a constant discomfort with the odd shooting pain than an excruciating pain but, like yourself i get the shakes and the twitches and the BRAIN FOG!! I always had a slight stammer growing up but now i totally lose words and stop dead mid-sentence. Not to mention the confusion and disorientation when trying to carry out even a simple task!
    Hope your fingers feel better soon ;)

  2. I'm so proud of you for writing this... I would be in tears all the time... I have m.e too... I'm 15... I Generally run at about 15% of a normall teen... The rest i can deal with now (after 4 years I've got used to it) but its the brain fog i cant deal with... I cant comunicate coherently most of the time...I've given in... Can't be bother anymore... But someone needs to show the world... That we're not mad or imagining it or LUCKY as I am constantly told by people... Hope u have a better time for it then me... (if thats possible???) xxx

  3. Jenn - don't give up, don't give in and BE bothered or otherwise you are letting your illness win. Stay strong, be positive. I was utterly devastated when I found out I was ill as I knew my life and my family's lives would change dramatically but one thing I did say right from the beginning is that no matter how hard it gets, how low I feel, I will NEVER let it win because you already have to sacrifice so much to accommodate ME it starts to take away who you are and it takes over. At the end of the day, deep down you are still the same person as before you were ill, you've just had to adapt some elements of yourself but the core of you is still there.

    Lisa - yes, the brain/body divide is pants but you learn to listen to both of them. I, like you think that if I think I am well, I feel well and its my body thats saying no so I've started to listen more to my body than my brain which is causing my brain to sulk a little as there are things that I want to do and it is frustrating but if I listen to my body, get rested, I then find I've enough energy to do those things I wanted to do.

  4. I'm trying, but I haven't been me for so long, I can't remember how... But thanks anyway... x